My whole life spends with thinking about why I am not good enough. Am I a failure or why they are I am not as good like them?
I envied people who have good grades or who was born with talent. But looking at me, I am just nothing, not good, and not beautiful and not talented.
There is a moment I want people to notice me, appreciate my hard work but, I know in the end, they will forget me because I am still not good enough.
I feel suffocated, stress, sad and unhappy because I am not making progress even after working hard for a long-term.
Sometimes, I am thinking of quitting everything and just shut down people around me. But in the end, I ended up showing them a fake smile to please them.
Technically, it was a good thing because it will not hurt people or make them worried. But deep in my heart, I was crying and craving for help.
I desperately want to know why I am not good enough like the other people around me. I need an answer, but no one can give me one.
I needed help but, I don’t know who am I supposed to ask — is it my friend, housemate, mom, dad, or my siblings?
I want to call my mom and told her that how sad I was because the moment I tell her about my situation, that is the moment she will start to get worried to the point unable to have a good sleep at night.
I do not want that to happen because I want her to have ease of heart and life. I wanted her to do not overthinking.
I am not sure about how long I will be living like this, but certainly, I have no plan of living with many negative thoughts in my mind for a long time.
I will find a way to overcome my anxiety and remember there is nothing wrong with having a negative thought once in a while.
We are a human being who have feelings. So, there is nothing to worry about it. The only thing you can do is find a way to deal with your anxiety and unhappiness.
As for me, writings and Jesus Christ, my resort to all my anxiety. He is the one who never failed to listen to my voice.
In the end, it is okay not to be okay because we are just human being who needs love and appreciation.